Long time no see, huh? Well, I guess some of you have still seen me weekly or when you dive deep into the archives of the online studio or photo albums. But I am writing to say goodbye. To you, to this beautiful chapter in my life called "Oula," and to the responsibility I so humbly and honorably held as someone who led this dance, in partnership with you. So on that note... to you, I take a bow. A deep and full one and my knees may shake as I do so, and tears may stream down my cheeks, but if I could, I would look you in the eye and you would see me and I would see you and we would kiss each other on the cheeks, throw our heads back in laughter, and both know this was a fucking blast! Cheers, my friends!!!
If you'd like to stop reading, now's a great time. You all know me well enough to know I can go on forever, so I'm going to. Hah! And you can read on or not, but I need to do this for me. And like I've always done with you... I will invite you in, and hope that in any way by learning about me, you learn more about yourself. Because self-awareness and self-compassion always lead to collective healing. Always.
A love note to me, 11 years ago:
Kali, you have no idea what you're getting yourself into!!! Are you sure you want to do this?! Hahah! Of course you do. You were meant for this. Truly. And it will stretch you and break you and rebuild you more times than a sane person would sign up for, but you can do it. And guess what, Sis, you did! You did it! You took risks, you made mistakes, you made change, you lived your truth, you stayed true to your heart. And all the while, you put your marriage to the test (spoiler alert: it survived and thrived!) you birthed and raised three beautiful daughters, and you made the best friends of your life. It's worth it. Even when it feels like it's not. It is. Keep going, until it's time to move on. You'll know when that time is.
A love note to me, now:
Kali, these past few months have felt like freedom. A long, cleansing, healing exhale in which your days have been filled with, well... whatever you want them to be filled with! And it's been exactly what you needed. As you keep describing, it's like you're finally taking the maternity leave you never took for all 3 of your babies. And I say that remembering your firstborn Huxlie, strapped to your chest doing payroll at the studio at 2 weeks old... calling Bernice, frantically asking if you could leave Huxlie in the car for 30 seconds as you sprinted to the mailbox to drop off envelopes with paychecks and bills... and in awe of you that you took a tiny 3-week-old Piper to Mexico, faced the concerned looks from those in customs lines, to host a retreat for 20 women--- sleep-deprived, hormone-crazed and trying to show up as best you could. Wow, mama!!! Good job! In these past months, you've grown, too. For so long, you'd been the mother of your household and the mother of your business. Lately, you've learned how to truly find yourself welcomed in structures you did not build, and you've realized how important that work is. Being in the center felt safe to you. Learning to trust that you matter, even if you have nothing to offer another except your mere and humble presence, is big big work. It's making you grow. Keep growing... keep uncovering the layers and go underneath the music, the movement, the business, the work, the power... what is underneath all of that? Keep diving, love. You're getting there. The treasure awaits.
B, you're my partner- in crime and in love- and in so many things. Most recently my hiking partner but I do see sing-a-longs and karaoke parties and wedding crashing in our near future. Hang on, let me just whip up a logo and tag line and and and... here I go again . Hahah. We make magic together. I am not my highest or fullest self without you by my side. Everything we created through Oula was because of the alchemy of working with you. Thank you. I will never have enough thank yous in this lifetime to tell you how much you've meant to me and helped me as Kali, a woman, a wife, a mother, a character in a story- mine and those of others- and a human in the "Human Story!" You're the best of the best.
To this Community,
I will spend the rest of my life being grateful for my time with you. I mean, WOW! That was WILD!!!! I've never gotten as high, or been given permission to go as low as I have doing Oula, with you. And I'm not sure I will ever again, to be honest. Because Oula makes you feel. Deeply. And being in those places, knowing you are held by your community, is one of the greatest energetic gift exchanges I can imagine being a part of. Thank you SO MUCH for that experience. And please, continue to hold each other... even when things get hard, or complicated, or confusing, or disappointing. Please. Know the power of your words. They can cut deeply, or they can heal greatly. And on that note, I'm sorry to those whose expectations I couldn't live up to. But in the end, disappointing you was a gift, too. For in that reckoning, I had to learn to love myself which is something I've taught but never fully understood. And I don't really yet, but I'm working on it. As I hope we all are! And to those who've continued to be there for me and allowed me to be there for you, in a whole different way... thank you. I couldn't have made it through this transition without you.
And to those I never even met, but shared energy with... let's remember that energy can not be created nor destroyed, only transformed. You transformed me, and I am so grateful to be a part of your transformation, too. That is a forever thing, you know?
And please, keep dancing! In class, in your living rooms, walking down the street... it really has the power to change your life, as we know. I know things will change and evolve and grow in this community, and my absence just creates an opening for what's ready to be birthed next to come through! As I've said since the beginning of this transition... I believe in the good things coming. And they are coming. I am rooting for Oula, for Heather, and for all of you, albeit from a non-social media space where you can't see my hearts and thumbs up (which by the way is SO liberating and clarifying! Try it sometime!) But my heart is open and my thumbs are up and I love you and you and you and you and you and you and you and yes you that I've never met and you, too! You've changed my life. Truly.
May your life's path continue both from and back to your own heart. And I will feel so, so happy if my path and yours intersect at some point in the future. If and when they do, even if it's just for a stolen moment in time, let's bust a move together, ok???
All my love,
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