For those who feel hurt by a recent Oula song, my heart hears you. I wish this were simple but I don’t think it is. Lots of discussion has taken place. So many hours of time and energy and external counsel and dialogue have taken place. Oula has feelings in its spaces. We are simply dance fitness WITH feeling. Lots of feelings!

B used to say, at least we aren’t apathetic.

Sometimes we push the envelope–we use songs with lyrics that could be deemed objectionable, whether too sexy, too angry, too opinionated, too silly, too intense, too… much. But this is part of our exploration together–to connect within ourselves and with one another and to process comfortable or uncomfortable feelings through movement, together. Also… we still get to just dance and have fun. It’s not always SOMETHING, but sometimes there is something to discuss. So let’s continue the discussion.

The timing of this discussion is so… entangled withworld events. The world feels a bit oppressive–I do mean the world. Argentina removed femicide from their penal code. Iraq just passed a law that allows child marriage. Our own country is seriously struggling with human rights issues, including how to view representation and access and worse. It’s… a lot.

To be asked to review this song and its intentions and language right now in the midst of what feels like a very intense time for so many–people who feel and are at-risk of not being seen or heard and who are being threatened with the loss of their rights–feels charged. 

What is being argued is that the song is inherently discriminatory, demeaning, and condescending toward men.

I, myself, was initially uncomfortable with the song for very different reasons. I am not in a place where this song resonates, not any longer. Thank goodness. But once upon a time, I believed I did need a man simply to survive and I made life choices accordingly. I was surrounded by people who promoted those misery-making choices, despite the fact that those choices were harmful to me physically, mentally, financially, and emotionally. I was counseled by clergy to submit, to stay with an abuser, and to have sex more frequently to help stop the abuse. True story. So, this song could have resonated with a younger me. I’m not that same person anymore, at all. Once again, thank goodness. But I share that to illustrate that there is a depth of understanding here in me with how this song can bring up “more” even though it can be seen as just a fun song to move to.

This song at issue is “Sugar Daddy” by Devon Cole.

In her song, we hear Devon Cole flipping the script of inherent sexism towards women, like the notions that women should feel sexy and happy for men’s benefit, that women need men to financially support them, that women owe sex to someone who pays for dinner, that women shouldn’t speak or interrupt. I hear derision toward the men she is speaking to, she is condescending and assumptive. She says “You won’t see me naked,” as if that would be all that he wants. She paraphrases Gloria Steinem (Irina Dunn, originally) and asserts that women need men so little it’s as much as a fish needs a necklace (so, not at all). She flips the saying “ball buster,” typically used by men to describe a woman who hold men accountable, and she insinuates that this man or men are stupid and cannot spell. It’s not complimentary to men. 

This song could be grouped with others in the Oula catalogue that have similar femme-centered themes. Songs like “Joan of Arc” by Little Mix (“I put my own rock on my hand”), and “Toy” by Netta (“You stupid boy”), and “Nightmare” by Halsey (“I don’t owe you a g-d thing”), and I am sure there are plenty of others that could be called in to this grouping. In each of these songs, we hear from these voices. We hear from HER,her lived experience,her feelings, andher fight to reclaim herself. We hear from a person who is fed up with a situation and has written about it and offered up her voice revealing an experience in life. The artists sing about a type of man, or possibly many men, and possibly against the patriarchy, and against systemic oppression. I had to research the artist’s interpretation and it was helpful in gaining perspective.

Devon Cole has said that she is singing in response to experiences that have made her feel small, dependent, and only acceptable when she fits other people’s expectations of who she should be. She refuses to accept a double standard and expresses her frustration that men can say and do and expect things that she can’t. She’s angry. And if you hear in her anger that she “hates men,” then it might not feel welcoming to dance this song as a man. And no, it does not feel good to show up to Oula and end up feeling degraded.

THAT IS NOT OULA. 

But if you listen to her process-her own reclamation of femininity as a woman, independent of specific men who have treated her in their own degrading ways, then it’s a different feeling.

And so I have to try to step away from my own experience and listen to others–specifically the person who spoke up and said that this song is harmful towards men.

Do we simply accept his subjective interpretation? No. 

Do we reach out for additional input and feedback? Yes, we do. Yes, and we have had lots of discussion. We’ve tried to be sensitive in not singling out or othering people while working to better understand how this feels to others in the community. 

How do we listen and hear and respond while honoring what is complex? We must make clear:

1.That we do not believe this song intends to promote hate or harm toward men, but it is a song about speaking to sexism and sharing anger regarding mistreatment from a lived experience, and it leaves room for interpretation.

2.That power dynamics are at play. Instructors have more power in a class and therefore have more responsibility to listen to and respond to a participant’s needs. But power dynamics must also be recognized when removing a voice from the room–in this case, the artist’s. We must also consider the time and energy spent in developing Oula’s choreography to share this song. Where is the power dynamic between the creative voice(s) versus who is asking that voice to be removed? 

3.That Oula is responsible for owning what we produce in movement. But we cannot be responsible for subjective and individual interpretations of the artists’ intentions in their lyrics. We continue to try our best to be sensitive to impact and aware of intent. And we encourage our instructors to use their best judgment in creating playlists. Every instructor is empowered to create their own playlists, with the “rules” that at least eight of the Top 10 must be included in any given class.

We can still learn and grow without removing a song from our catalogue. And with that said, our communication back to this participant will be that this song will be left to the individual instructor(s) leading the class to create their own playlists and to leave in or remove this song. Instructors must make this call for their own classes.

I believe we live our values and are considerate, always. It would be unfair to think that one song would indicate an erosion of our values. We always have room to make mistakes and to learn and grow from them. And with that said, this song is not a mistake. It would be wrong to simplify this song’s inclusion in our catalogues as evidence of lack of concern, lack of compassion, or lack of intelligence.

No. 

This is an opportunity to be thoughtful and to learn from a perspective that may differ from our own. To really listen. And process where it lands, and ask ourselves why. This is exactly why we are here. This is the beauty of our community. It is an opportunity to step OUTSIDE ourselves, and instead of centering on ourselves we can attempt to see through the lens of others–the artist’s lens, another instructor’s lens, or the lens of the person who is dancing beside you. This is true for Oula’s leadership at all levels and it is true for participants too.

This song stays in our organization. Its removal is not up for further debate. Dancing to “Sugar Daddy” is an individual choice. Its inclusion or exclusion from a playlist rests in the hands of those we trust most: our instructors.